Since the last post

A lot has changed, But first:



TRAVELS


Countries to Visit: Belgium
Cities to visit:  #8 - Paris, France



Paris

I had a bus booked on the 17th, the Saturday, to Paris from Köln. I later found out I could in fact get a ride a day earlier with my German aunty and uncle, driving via Belgium, and stay on a house boat on Paris. I thought this was a better idea seeing as I'd have more time to spend in the city, in case I didn't have another opportunity.

The house boat had it's own little private jet boat along the side of it and on the friday night around 11pm we took a trip up the river and saw the Eiffel Tower by night. Really was amazing.

The next day I had until 5.15pm until my train to London came and I was supposed to meet Karl Schwarz but turns out his train didn't arrive until 2minutes after mine had left. So I had a day to kill, and happened to have a german friend also in Paris for the day, so we went for a wander and checked out the city.

Cities to Visit: #9 - London, England
Countries to Visit: United Kingdom


London

The train was a direct, 2hour 15 or 30minute ride and went under the English Channel for 20minutes or so. Once there, I spent 5 or 6 days in London with Arabella and Hugo. Arabella was there doing a fashion course for two weeks so Hugo and I got to spend a bit of time with her. It was a lot of fun, but really made me miss my friends, and the way we act, back in NZ, but more about that later. I had a really good time! And everyone was speaking english again! Here are some photos

I've found that the majority of my best nights this year, have been spent with people I am familiar with, or who have a similar culture as I do - all from New Zealand or Australia. I realize now, that I was being hypocritical because when I was in NZ and saw exchange students, I used to think "make some friends from NZ you loser it's what you're here for, stop hanging out with other exchange students 24/7."

I understand that it's a difficult thing to do now it's me in that position. Raffaella, a girl from Italy who has two weeks ago today returned home, tried to tell me: "I don't think there are countries that are better than other countries, they are just different. And Germany is really difficult to 'understand'. But the more you understand the language, the more you understand them."


And Federico once said to me, and I can never forget: "Sometimes, you may think - 'why do these people not accept me' but this is not always the case. Sometimes it is you, the exchange student, that does not accept the people."

And maybe that's my problem - maybe I don't accept germans because I do not understand them.

In two days time I've been here five months, half my friends have gone home and I have less than five close friends left in the country, only two of which are German, and it's sad. Normal, but sad. It really is so hard for me to make new friends when I don't always necessarily like or agree with them. Actually it's hard full stop. I think I came to Germany with the expectation that I would have the same as I had back home, but this is far from true.

For anyone going on an exchange - it doesn't work like that. It took me years to build the group of friends I have back home, as it does with anyone, and I presume it'd be the same here in Germany. It's harder than you think to simply 'join' a friend circle. It doesn't work like that. Of course you will have friends but they won't be like your friends you have back at home. You've also got to accept you won't have the same amount of friends you do back home, not many people will know who you are, you won't be going out as regularly, and you will feel lonely, at some stage.

For me that time is now. Five of my close friends have returned home, my best guy mate leaving yesterday. My close german friends are in Spain and Turkey, my host brother leaves for France and Italy for three weeks and my best friend Holly is on her mid-stay for two more weeks, then in Italy for three weeks.

I'm a week into my six week summer holidays, I've had an amazing time in London (with people I'm familiar with) but now I'm back to my city in Germany and I've just gotta keep at it.

Things I'm excited for: 
Blueberry pancakes for dinner tonight
Day trip up north to watch the Champions Trophy hockey in 10 days

I have no other plans. Which is kinda depressing, because I know that if I was back home, there would be plenty of things to do with plenty of people on any given day during the summer.



I miss home and what I had so much sometimes, and there are definitely times where New Zealand appeals a lot more to me than Germany does. But at the end of the day as much as I want to pack my suitcase and get on the next flight home I know I can't.

I could, but I won't. I won't because I have only five months left and they will fly. I won't because that would be giving up. Losing. And I won't because I appreciate the people that have sacrificed time, sacrificed money and my German family that has sacrificed their home to have me here. I owe it to all of them.

Don't get me wrong, I want to be here. I love my German family. I know what this experience is doing and will do for me, I have already achieved so much.

Feeling lonely and feeling bored and missing home is completely normal and okay from time to time because I only learn and grow from it. But know that I don't always feel this way, at all, I guess I just got caught on a bad day.

Auf Wiedersehen

27 February 2010 (Day of Arrival)

After a two hour train from Frankfurt International Airport I finally arrived at the Köln HBF (station). I remember writing earlier, in the first post of this blog, about how nervous and excited I was to meet my host family - but nothing about the other students. Once off the train and, before my host family arrived, I was greeted by the "older" exchange students. I really had no idea how life here would be, or how close I'd become with those people, and so didn't think much of it. A simple "hi" and an introduction was all that was in order.

Not long after that we became friends on Facebook, they all wanted to talk, wanted to meet, and I used to wonder why they wanted to hang out with us, the new ones. Didn't these guys have better things to do?

Nevertheless we started to meet, Dani threw a party, and slowly one by one we began to get to know each other. Our friendships grew faster than any of those with native Germans.

Time passed, snow melted, summer arrived.

I grew to love the City, I grew to love the culture and I grew to become proud of the Country. The thing now, is that the older exchange students have grown to be a part of the City I know, a part of the culture I know and a part of the Country as I know it.

Now they have to leave, it's going to be strange with them not around.

It's been just over 4 months 1 week since I arrived.

I remember my last few nights in New Zealand, and as cliche as it sounds, I remember them like it was yesterday.

I remember thinking: '10 months, man the fuck up. It's only 10 months. You can go 10 months without your best friends. You'll be back before you know it and they'll still be your best friends. You can do it.'

I stuck by that. I did it. I left my friends in NZ, my best friends, my family. But I knew one day we would meet once again.

It was a weird feeling starting over, but I before I knew it I had made these new friends.

And that's where the problem lies. These new friends weren't the same as the ones I left - because unfortunately I don't have the same feeling of reassurance that one day we truely will meet again.

I think it will the first time in my life saying goodbye to a friend, knowing there is a high possibility I might very seldom, or never see them again. Although they were not my closest friends, they are unforgettable ones.

Watching them say their goodbyes, and talk about their year, really makes me think about how fast the next six months will go, and how crucial it is to make the most of the time I do have here. Six months ago was new year. And that's not very long. Once I'm gone, I'm gone. I can visit, but I will no longer live here, at least like how I do now.





Are paths have crossed. But we've now come to the fork in the road, and it's time to say goodbye. The past 4 1/2 months have flown by so quickly, it seems unreal you're leaving already.



Sara


Fede


Raffa


Dani 


Luca



I wish you all the best for the future, I'm gonna miss you guys, and the times we've shared.





Köln, Deutschland
February - July 2010

Mein Zimmer

After 4 months of sharing a room with my brother, my host sister has left and I've finally moved into my own room :D

I've put my flags on the wall, put my things in the wardrobe, and the shelves, and it feels a lot more like home now.

I love it.

These are two of  6 empty shelves. This is all the space I take up. 

Kieler Woche

Last week I caught a train north to visit a friend from NZ, and his friends, in Kiel. Every year at the end of June, a week-long sailing festival called the Kieler Woche (Kiel Week) is held. It is the biggest of its kind and attracts over three million people from all over the world.

At night it felt like the mount does on new year, only more people and all ages. We were in the Hauptbahnhof (Main Station) for only around 5 minutes and we saw over 30 police officers, and two people vomit all over themselves. The ground was sticky and the place smelt like stale alcohol everywhere. Unfortunately, I don't have any photos from the night, but I wish I did. Here is what I do have.

Kieler Woche

Dankeschön für alles Angus. Es war sehr spaß! Ein bisschen viel zeitweise aber erstrebenswert.